Yes, after the crushing defeat in the Collosseum of PhD’s, I’ve been a bit lost. See, that was my excuse for not writing, I was busy. First with PhD-stuff, now with Skyrim. Because I am the Dovahkiin, you know?
Sure, I like to pretend I’m a gamer a bit more than I actually game. In fact, the only game I seriously played in the last few years was NHL 2014 on the Xbox and maybe I can consider my weird ‘return’ to WoW an attempt at being a gamer too. It’s complicated… I don’t actually own an Xbox, but my brother was kind enough to lend me his. After a while of just playing NHL to blow off some steam, I go to this point in life and shoved that Skyrim disc in the console.
I’m not really a person that hides in fantasy that much. I did so as a kid, but those are different times. I did have a major gap in my life after I didn’t get my life’s dream: A PhD position. It was a painful defeat, I had worked on that for years and now it feels like all is over. I’m at the age now, where people around me have kids and such. And me? I’ve just had a major reset to my programming… and all I can do is play Skyrim. So yeah, that’s happening.
Why do I like it so much? There’s a lot of purpose in that game, which is exactly what I suddenly miss. The hero of the game can easily make carreer choices and pursue them. I’m not sure if I’m in a therapeutic fase, where I’m figuring things out by playing a guy who chops away with a double handed claymore or maybe just running away.
I’ll let you know. If I happen to get out of Skyrim….
I think this blog might be found by someone who needs to figure out what and why I’m the one they’re facing one of these days. I have more and more of these meetings and maybe all that info people are looking for, they couldn’t find on my blog. Only the sad annotations of my self-help proceedings in trying to overcome the demons of my childhood.
From a bullied kid to a shy teenager and a calculated young adult, I’m not the child of the flowers and sunshine. I’m a kid of the 80’s, which might explain my love for the bleak reality of Joy Division and the Smiths.
I’m just a day dreamer who has embraced his romantic side but leaps from rock to rock, in order to cross the river of his own fears and awkwardness. I don’t read people well… Or maybe I do read them very well, I am just not the ‘judge by the cover person’. Small talk is for me like Kierkegaard is to you.
My heart doesn’t beat like a jungle drum, but buzzes like the fuzzed out, lo-fi recordings of early black metal albums in Grieghallen studios in Norway. I wear hockey jerseys at home, because I feel the game of hockey is the last bastion of true gladiators.
I live in books and music and dwell in despair, understand hatred and the loss of meaning but love to grapple with the unknown. My persistence and tenacity takes its own pace.
My dream is to become a researcher. It’s all I really want. To boldly go where no man has gone before. I’m Guido Segers, I’m most pleased to meet you.
This was a lovely weekend to see some hockey and since it’s not that great in the Netherlands, we headed to Krefeld in Germany to see the Pinguine play ERC Ingolstadt.
Source: Eliteprospects ‘Logo Pinguine’
I think it’s a good oppertunity to say something about how awesome German sports fans actually are and the insane atmosphere in the Königspalast in Krefeld. It’s about an hours drive from where I live and well worth the ride. Funny enough, from Eindhoven on it’s about 70 kilometers straight on, take a turn and drive 7 more and then it’s like around the corner. It’s a nice drive so enough time to chat.
I went down there with a friend and my long suffering girlfriend (just kidding, she likes the hockey too), taking enough time to get a good taste of what it’s like. German fans are well dedicated to the sport and ofcourse their beloved team. Normally they might just as well hang out in the old rink across the street to watch another team, but the amount of people already present during the warm-up is a sight of dedication.
It kinda sucked a bit that Ingolstadt scored two goals in the first period, which started to diminish the fevered chanting of the Krefeld fans. Tirelessly they keep chanting and shouting, during the whole game. During the game there’s also space for some activism, which has a lot to do with the future of the team. I must say I’m hard pressed to fully understand what’s happening, but it seems a political game has started to be involved. Signatures are collected and ofcourse I signed for the Pinguine. Let’s be fair, it’s good to have a funteam on driving distance. Comments with info would be much appreciated.
Game in progress
So the game starts to be quite a downer, when Krefeld gets the third goal against. The team plays wobbly and confused at times, but gradually builds up to some momentum and scores a brilliant goal. Suddenly the crowd is roaring again, and the last ten minutes of the game feel super intense once more. It’s a shame that the Pinguine did’nt manage to get a goal in against the champion of the DEL. For us, it was still a great experience that we can talk about on our way home from Krefeld. Go Pinguine!
In the mist dark figures move and twist
Was this all for real or some kind of hell
666 the number of the beast
Hell and fire was spawned to be released
– Iron Maiden, ‘The Number of the Beast’
I have started reading this book titled ‘The Happiness of Persuit’ by Chris Guillebeau. I have come up with a goal that made me get out of bed and excitedly start writing these words to you, my meagre set of readers. I plan to interview 195 bands from all countries in the world, that play metal. I’m not a pure blooded metal head, but this is what I’ve decided to do.
I’ve got one interview soon from Israel, one from Lebanon and I probably have one from the Netherlans. I’m starting work on one from Estonia and now I need more.
Think ‘World Metal’, like Sam Dunn presented it in the documentary, think global and world wide.
From the day Geezer Butler saw a looming dark figure at the end of his bed to the day we live in now, metal has been a genuine counter culture that is also a global tribe. We could shake hands anywhere in the world, when we share this music.
I have been ill for more than a month. I have not been to the gym, didn’t follow my diet and probably gained some weight. I’m not much for the idealistic new years resolutions, but I’ve decided that I need to restart my routine and go a bit further in following up my own goals. So here goes, my new years resolution. Believe me when I say this is the firs time I actually decide to have those.
1. Clean Eating 2.0
I started eating paleo in januari 2013. One day I just started doing it and I decided that this was something I could believe in and follow up. I’ve written about this before, but here is the Nerd Fitness guide that inspired me to pick up this diet. What it essentially means is that I stop eating everything that is delivered to my door, that is pre-made and what contains potatoes, grains and legumes. Also you need to avoid anything that is high in sugars, which you don’t need. Well, sugar in itself is something to avoid. This doesn’t mean you can’t have good food though. Also, I used to have one cheat day a week, that will be reduced to ‘one meal’. That will be pretty hard, butI’ve noticed that complete avoidance is pretty much impossible + when you suddenly can’t avoid it your body respons very badly to it. So having a minimal intake gives the body the right kinda shock.
Yes, I’ve read all the ‘debunking the paleo diet’ things too, and I think its sad. Obviously a diet alone is not enough, paleo alone does not make you a model, nor will it work for everyone. It does for me though, I have less stomach issues and drowsy headaches. Always keep your values in check though and don’t hesitate to drop some vitamines.
2. Gym 2.0
Source: Pinterest (Source unknown)
I’ve been going to the gym for years, but only last year I started noticing change. I felt much better, fitter and healthier due to my more intense schedules and determination in the activity. Due to illness and exhaustion, I did not do that much in the past month and I feel it in every fibre of my body. My goal is to increase muscle tissue this year and be able to lift, press, deadlift and squat certain weights. It’s all around 50.. I don’t need to get bulky, I just want to be strong and fit and that seems like a great goal for 2015.
Today I went to the gym for the first time in a long while again and it felt great. I feel motivated and just good about having gone there.
3. Synergy in the Relationship
Source: Bored Panda.com
I hope to reach a new level in the way my relationship works. We work well together, but I want to achieve what I considere synergie. Work together and support eachother on our life goals and understand and feel what matters to eachother. No matter how you translate synergie, it requires commitment that I am willing to put into it. I hope to find ways to improve it even further this year.
I’ve learned in the past year that relationships usually give you back what you put in to them. If you want to work on it, go for it and do your best first, rewards will come laterin the form of returned favours. If you don’t want to make the effort, neither will your partner.
4. Travel
Source: Essential Travel
I love travelling and seeing new places and this year I hope to add some countries to my list. One is already planned, which is a visit to Greece. If summer holidays fall through for some reason, then I hope to visit Malta too. In that case I also hope to make plans for the future and see some other locations . The Balkan is currently a destination that is much favored,but so is Iceland, Norway (Scandinavia) and Portugal. I’m a firm believer that travel is something that improves you and allows you to grow as a person. If not that, then travelling with only your minimum stuff takes away so much of the normal stress, its amazing. Travel is difficult sometimes, but doing it always feels super rewarding.
5. Write more and try some more beers
Source: puretravel.com
As you might know, I’m quite excited about my blog, but I have been struggling to find a routine to it and a way to write that speaks to everyone. I hope to write more and better stuff this year and make you keep on coming back. Thanks for checking it out anyways.
I also hope to keep on keeping track of the beers I’ve tried on Untapped and never drink the same beer twice. That’s a serious commitment, since I hope to find more remarkable tastes. Yes, it is not quite in line with my previous resolutions. Still, one needs to relax now and then, so why not combine that with discovery?
If you want to help me, that’d be most welcome. How? Simply let me know where you are going and if you want to take something home for me. I’ll just pay you back.
So there goes, my resolutions. They’re more targets I guess, goals and things I want to do and focus on. I also want to read much more books. Let’s make this a good year with lots of progress! What will you try to achieve this year?
After focussing on a vague type of quest for a while, I came to a realisation today: I had not typed w00t for any reason for like… forever. To go on a quest with my feelings felt silly suddenly, when I can go for the w00ts!
What does that mean? It means that you can level up your life by focussing on the good things, I think. I learned from Steve Kamb from Nerd Fitness what the value is of treating your life like a game. I treat mine already a lot like World of Warcraft. I take challenges and quests, look for groups, trade and farm reputation with certain factions.
Source: Geekadelphia.com
What if I actually transfer these activities to life? I have no idea, but it worked for Steve, so it might work for me. So my first goals will involve reaching a new level in the gym, farming rep among colleagues and finishing some major quests this year.
So back to this w00t, why is it worth so much? It was the cry of joy when reaching goals in WoW in the past. When you defeated a major boss or got some major item and stuff. It signifies the sense of achievement I’ve been missing out on. It signifies purpose and meaning in a sense most people will find silly. It means a lot to me though.
So I declare the start of phase one of W00tQuest, the trial campaign.
Oh but once we were young, and we were crass enough to care
But I guess you live and learn, we won’t make that mistake again, no
Oh but surely just for one day, we could fight and we could win
And if only for a little while, we could insist on the impossible
– Frank Turner ‘Love, Ire & Song’
I’d like to tell you a bit about a place called OJC De Werf, where I used to dwell and that is closing down in a while after 40 years. I stepped in there shortly before its 30 year anniversary and a lot has changed. Last night I thought back of those times.
Last night was a night full of memories, of drinks and remniscing about a past that may never have existed with my two oldest friends in the pub where I practically lived for a couple of years. Friends I fail to tell how much I care for them every time I see them. I wake up in the morning to do what I do now and that is living an adult life. Washing my car on saturday morning. The only thing I carry with me is a headache.
There’s this phrase that has kept coming back to me for years, I guess it was title of a song or a film: ‘Things we lost in the fire’. We lose parts of what we are and leave behind bits of ourselves while we grow and change ever so slowly. We are all flames that burn and we burn away what has ran out of material to fuel us. So was this part something I’m slowly leaving behind. I have started setting my alarm clockin weekends, getting up early to do shopping or go to the gym. Life is no longer one long string of waiting for one party after another. In that pub I’ve learned the worst sides of myself and the, granted that this may be an opinion not everyone shares, better ones. Everyone did, in a way and looking around the empty place, the vacant bar chairs and the meagre amount of half full glasses on the bar I feel everyone is still there. Some part of them at least.
I miss them, all of them. Those people that challenged me with different views, attitudes and personalities. That were quick with a joke and getting you a drink when you were without one. We’ve all grown up, some of us into everything they wanted to be, some became everything they tried so hard not to be. I have to leave the answer to that for myself open for now, I’m not sure yet. What I am sure of is that this place had a huge influence on me and my personal development. Laughter, tears and everything else was there. Also some of the best live shows that probably pushed me to do the things I do in my spare time now, write about music (a lot, check out my facebook page).
It’s hard to convey to others what that feeling is that I recall when sitting there on my bar stool with my mates. We talk about jobs, relationships and average stuff. Back in the day, we spoke about videogames, music and our grand plans to change the world. We all were going to change the world, there was a lot of idealism there. I have loudly proclaimed to be a communist, an anarchist and something totally different the other day. I guess not everyone felt that way and links the place to all those dreams, but I think some will. It was our place, we belonged there and it was home away from home. I’m different there, then what I’m like when I go to a bar in Eindhoven. There’s a carefree and crass mentality, no longer fitting with my adult status (again, I’m washing my car on saturday morning… what more do you need?). Some part of me that I left behind there I suppose.
I think of great friends I made there. Friends I rarely see anymore, but that know things about me that no one else knows. Things we shared once upon a time and that still linger somewhere in the back of our minds. I miss everyone. I still do and I would love to hear from you all. Maybe not over a pint of beer, but with a cup of coffee. Talking about where we are now.
We did the things we used to do last night and when I closed the emergency door behind me for possibly the last time, I knew I left that part of my life behind. We’ll always have those wonderfull, insane and sometimes ridiculous years and the experiences we shared. Sure, I’m romantisizing, but that’s what people do. It’s part of being human and we all were very much human in those days.
I’ve been busy, so much lately
That every time I get some time to spend
I end up drunk or sleeping in
And I miss you, you’re busy too
We call each other up, when we’re messed up
And say we’ll meet in the New Year.
– Frank Turner, ‘St. Christopher Is Coming Home’
Wow, so yeah that was a long silence. I’m dreadfully sorry for that, but life sometimes just catches up on you. I’ve stuffed the free time I had with playing some WoW and reading books. There was not much I have to say, so that explains a lot.
Source: The Sleeping Shaman
So what is new? I finally purchased tickets for the one and only Roadburn festival. That was a pretty hefty purchase. As most people know, I usually visit shows and festivals as a journalist and thus my only expense is drinks and food (and merch, lets be honest, I love myself some merch). Roadburn is however something special and I need to witness it. I got to chat with Walter for a moment, might get to do something for their blog if he’s keen on it, so that would be pretty awesome. So much awesome!
The bad stuff is that I also had some costs for the car this month and a fine for parking, while standing a few meters past the sign that basically explains why I shouldn’t be fined. Like, what? Yes. Something like that.
On good matters, I did write my first PhD proposal. Not that I reckon to have huge chances, but I personally feel that actually applying was already a victory for me. A lot of oppertunities seem to present themselves, my girlfriend found a job and more might come. It’s a matter of staying on top and riding the waves.
I’ve also found out I’m rather closed as a person. I thought I overcame that years ago, but I don’t open up, am super defensive and not ablet o make proper connections with other people. This is something to work on. Well, time to start doing that in the next few months.
This post is dedicated to Ashley, who assists Chris Guillebeau in his work. Chris Guillebeau wrote the book ‘The Happiness of Pursuit’, a nice play on ‘In Pursuit of Happyness’. A book that talks about setting big goals for yourself and then finding the joy in chasing those. A book I recommend to anyone who wants to give some direction to their lives. Really, the book is inspirational, funny and full of wisdom that you can use. Funny enough, when I told some people about the stories in there, the response was exactly like the people in the book said: They thought they were crazy.
Source: lifehack.org
Well I didn’t think so. I believe that things like visiting all countries in the world, cooking a dish from every country or taking a university course in one year instead of four is amazing. It shows dedication, passion and the right amount of crazy. I decided to write a message to Chris Guillebeau. He seemed to me like an approachable person who would like to hear positive responses to his book. I wrote an e-mail, saying how I felt inspired in this phase of my life, where I am trying to get things sorted and find my own purpose in life. I also wrote that I didn’t expect a reply, so that it was ok. I just wanted to share.
Big surprise, assistant Ashley M. wrote back to me. Now, I know that this is a person who doesn’t know me or my stupid problems, but the reply was kind and warm. About me not expecting a reply, she wrote: “Your statement about not sending messages because you don’t believe you’ll hear back? I totally relate to that. I used to believe that, too. But you’d be surprised what you’ll get back if you send it anyways. What have you got to lose? ” She also suggested I could try to write something myself for their website. I did, I hope they’ll post it because I believe it was a good piece.
I wrote a thank you e-mail to Ashley. Explaining I was going down this path of self-development and growth, how it wasn’t easy but messages like this give me that glimmer of hope. I got back another friendly e-mail: “It sounds like you’re moving in the right direction and I have no doubt that good things are in your near future. Life is so full of possibilities! You never know what amazing thing is going to come your way tomorrow. Keep the faith, Guido!” All Ashley really did was doing her job, but also being friendly and encouraging. It’s such an amazingly small gesture. It can mean so much.
Now, why am I writing a blogpost about this? Well, because Ashley, who doesn’t know me, was kind enough to look at my message in a positive way. I couldn’t do that for a long time and still struggle to look at myself and others in a positive way. The fact that someone across the ocean took a moment to send this kindness my way, is well inspirational and cool. For some reason I feel a bit stronger now. Better things are coming my way, as long as I keep working and believing.
Thanks Ashley. Sometimes something so little can mean so much to someone. I’ll start trying to do this more often. Do little nice things for others, just because it should be done more.
I also learned that if you want, you can reach out and get in touch with those you admire. I got replies from Karl Spracklen (metal scientist dude) and from Frank Turner (my favorite punkrock bard) in the past. Just be determined (and follow the link)
Now you’re gone
I realize my love for you was strong
And I miss you here,
Now you’re gone
I keep waiting here by the phone
With your pictures hanging on the wall
– Basshunter, ‘Now You’re Gone’
Yes, it’s the first night in a long time when I’m alone again. An excersise for what might be the future if everything goes as planned. My girl is in Brussels for an internship and I hope fully that she’ll get it. Still it is a bit frightening, to be alone with Lenny the cat. It is the warmth next to me in the bed, the little things I notice when I get home, the pack of coffee milk that should have been put back into the fridge…. Those are the things I miss now.
It’s only for three days now, for a training that may get her an internship. Maybe she’ll come home on friday and nothing will happen. If she gets it, what would be awesome, she’ll be moving to Brussels for atleast the weekdays and for a year. Now, there is one way out of my canundrum. That would be a job in Brussels, moving there and living our life there from now on. I wouldn’t mind I think.
Source: Quoteswave
I’m so proud she got there. I will try to not let my fears get in the way of that. We’ll be fine, change is always a great thing because it shakes up the status quo you’ve started growing accustomed to. If they actually come, I’ll be sure to post about it when this becomes an option.
Probably with a better bit of lyrics. I do actually like Basshunter, sorry, guilty pleasure.
